did you get engaged???
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
