Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
