He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
