Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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