Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
