this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
