I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
