I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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