i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
