you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
