I think my vagina is haunted
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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