honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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