It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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