i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
