guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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