stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
