gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
