Tell her she can't have a vagina
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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