The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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