He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
