Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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