Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
