I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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