i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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