did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize