No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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