well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
