I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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