I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
