i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm having to shit out rocks
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
