i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
