Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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