I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
