Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
