I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
