I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
