Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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