I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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