I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize