it was like eating out sand paper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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