this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
