Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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