Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
