Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
