I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
