Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
