i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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