hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
