when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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