I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
