whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
