I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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