I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this just has baby written all over it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
