dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
as a side note pls kill me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
