I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
