i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
