the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
