So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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