Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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