well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
tell me about the eggs
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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