I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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