he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
