Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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