I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
