Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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